What am I doing here? 

Have you ever worried that your colleagues, friends or even your family will one day realise you’re not as capable as they think you are?

You might dread being asked to contribute in a meeting, doubt your ability when a friend asks for advice, or feel you’re only just holding things together while your family seems to think you have it all under control. They trust you, but part of you wonders whether that trust is deserved.

If that sounds familiar, you may have experienced imposter syndrome. 

What is imposter syndrome? 

Imposter syndrome is a common pattern of thinking where you feel that you’re not as capable or competent as other people believe you are, despite evidence of your abilities and achievements. 

You might put your success down to luck, timing or other people’s help, then take mistakes as evidence that you were never good enough in the first place. Underneath it all can be the feeling that eventually, someone is going to find you out. 

It isn’t a clinical diagnosis. It’s better understood as a pattern of thoughts and feelings about yourself and your abilities. 

Where does it come from? 

There probably isn’t a single cause. Our upbringing can play a part. High expectations, inconsistent praise or criticism can influence how we judge ourselves later in life. 

Your personality matters too. Perfectionism, low self-esteem and self-criticism can make it difficult to recognise your own competence. 

Then there’s our environment. Starting a new job, getting promoted, changing careers or being around more experienced people can make you question what you know. A workplace where mistakes are heavily criticised can also make it worse. 

And today there’s constant comparison. Your phone is basically a comparison machine. Social media gives us a constant stream of other people’s achievements and seemingly successful lives. We can end up comparing our own uncertainty with somebody else’s carefully filtered life. That’s not a fair comparison. 

What can you do about it? 

You can start by recognising imposter thoughts for what they are. Thoughts, not facts. Feeling out of your depth doesn’t mean you are. 

Let go of the need to know everything. Competence doesn’t mean having an answer to every question. Knowing what you don’t know, and being willing to find out, is a strength. 

Challenge your own perfectionism. If “good enough” means never making mistakes and always performing at your best, you’ve created a standard nobody can meet. 

Look at the evidence. What have you achieved? What experience or skills helped you get there? We can be very good at ignoring successes while remembering mistakes. 

Be careful with comparison too. The confident person across the table might have doubts of their own. 

Talk about it. Finding out that capable people experience the same doubts can make those thoughts less convincing. 

The confidence trap 

There’s a commonly shared paraphrase of something philosopher Bertrand Russell wrote that I’ve always liked. 

“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.” 

The idea behind it is relevant here. 

We often mistake confidence for competence. Someone who speaks confidently and rarely admits uncertainty can appear more knowledgeable than someone who pauses and considers whether they might be wrong. 

Of course, doubt alone doesn’t tell us how capable someone is. But doubt isn’t evidence that you don’t know enough. Sometimes doubt exists because you understand that things are complicated. The more you learn, the more aware you become of how much there still is to know. 

Some of the most inspirational and supportive people I’ve known have been those comfortable admitting they didn’t know everything. They were confident enough to say, “I’m not sure”. As a manager, I always encouraged my team to ask questions and never feel bad for not knowing something. 

The aim isn’t to eliminate self-doubt completely. A little doubt keeps us curious and willing to learn. The problem comes when it becomes so loud that it stops us recognising what we already know. 

How coaching can help 

Imposter syndrome can become a cycle. You doubt yourself, so you might not take action. You avoid speaking up, taking opportunities or trying something new and because you hold back, you never get the evidence that might challenge the belief that you weren’t capable enough. 

Coaching can help you step outside that cycle by challenging unrealistic expectations, recognising evidence you’ve dismissed and developing a more balanced way of talking to yourself. 

It’s not about convincing yourself that you’re brilliant at everything or replacing self-doubt with blind confidence. It’s about recognising both sides honestly. 

You can recognise what you still need to learn without dismissing what you already know. Having room to grow doesn’t make you a fraud.